I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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