I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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