if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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