You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
