This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
