You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need to calm my uterus...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
