Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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