Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Will exercising make me less horny?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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