I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
