is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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