When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
