I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
