He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We have started to decorate penises.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
