after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
