i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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