these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
