She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
