I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
