I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
