i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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