Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
