shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
