made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
