Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
