I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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