it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want to have your abortion
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
