Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
