Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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