I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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