Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize