As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
