you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
