I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize