Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
