I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
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So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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