it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
