Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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