you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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