Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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