Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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