my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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