In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
