she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
how does that bad decision feel?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
