The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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