Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
