Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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