five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
