This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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