He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
