i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
