I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
