What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
