Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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