I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
