I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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