I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
