did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
