Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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