if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
