You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
