Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
