thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
