Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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