i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
