I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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