break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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