I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
