Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize